Aspire To Be…

I don’t “do” New Years Resolutions, I just don’t believe in them. Nor do I participate or partake in the yearly ritual of organizing and/or decluttering of ones life. However, I will put forth a modest effort to cleanse my soul. So to speak.

Every morning I creep around the corner in the parking garage on my way to my parking spot were I work., and cringe at the thought of were and how my “neighbor” has pulled into his space. Not only does this person go the wrong way in the parking garage to park his car, he doesn’t even pull in straight. He is going to one day plow into someone or another car, which would so make my day, but would put an end to the, the cleansing of the soul thing. Let’s just say he has a way of unleashing my inner “bitch”.

(Said “neighbors” parking spot.)

I’m usually easy, going, calm, and not easily excitable. Once I enter the parking garage it’s a whole different ball game. I happen to park in one of the few underground parking garages around town and it is tight. Driving a midsize SUV and having a parking space between said “neighbor” and a wall, you can only imagine my want to do unspeakable things. I have to back into my space and hope that my “neighbor” is not hugging up to it too close to my spot.

I thought about a nice note, suggesting that maybe he should park closer to the support column that way we would both would have room to get in and out of our cars. Then I thought, the hell with that all I want to do is spit on his car. Not very lady like I know, and if any thing I would only result in my spitting on myself, thus defeating the purpose intended. (I never got the whole spitting thing down)

My first Soul Cleansing Proclamation is to rid myself of such desires to spit, key, kick, dump sticky liquid beside and/or on windshield, throw trash on, write notes to put under windshield wiper, etc. of said “neighbor’s” car.

I have no idea as to how I shall accomplish this task. Since, said “neighbor” is a total moron and oblivious to the fact that he 1) can’t park 2) got his license from the back of a cereal box and 3) pissed off a complete bitch when provoked.

I’m going to hell, I’m sure of it. After all the nasty names flying from my mouth, and if my momma knew she would totally send me straight to the bathroom for some soap. (ok, I love my momma dearly however she has a fouler mouth then me and would totally beat me at the nasty name calling, then send me to the bathroom for some soap)

So, my plan is simple. Think happy thoughts, remind myself that said “neighbor” (AKA: window licker) is a productive member of society and it is not his fault that he is a complete retard and needs to have his license revoked. I’ll try my best to not to let it get to me, and promise not to think bad thoughts about said “neighbor’s” demise.

End of Vent